My Journey to Body Love
Part 2: Why does the number matter so much?
This is part two of my blog series, My Journey to Body Love. If you haven't read part 1 yet, you can find that story here.
I found some Levi's that were on sale, which I was so excited about! I have a pair of Levi jeans that I LOVE, but I knew that they were too tight on me, so I decided to go up a couple of sizes. The problem was that the dressing room at the store I was at did not have their fitting room open (Thank you, Covid), so I figured I could buy them in two sizes, try them on at home, and return the pair that did not fit.
Levi's sizes are different than your typical American sizing (i.e., 6, 8, 10, 12, etc.), and instead, they use numbers such as 28, 29, 30, 31, etc. I had no thoughts about the sizes when I was trying to figure out what size to buy. I simply picked them up and held them up myself, and tried to guestimate which one would fit me best. I went to the sales rack, and since it was towards the end of summer, there were shorts on clearance. (Cue the happy dance!) I found a pair of perfect shorts. They were black, with a longer inseam and cuffed bottoms. I was trying to find a pair of shorts that would not ride up all day, and these were the perfect length! There was only one pair, and they were one size higher than the size I had originally picked for myself. And the best part was that they were on clearance for $22!!!! I looked at the tag a little harder and realized they had the "American style" sizing next to the "Levi style sizing," and when I realized what the equivalent "American size" was, my stomach dropped. I could not believe that was the size in my hands. I immediately put it back on the rack. There was no way I was going to buy that size.
I circled the store, however, I kept going back to those shorts. There was nothing else I liked as much or came anywhere near to the price of that black pair of Levi's. I took the shorts off the hanger and held them up to my body, imagining how cute they would be on, but then again, couldn't bring myself actually to purchase them.
I finally got to a point where I thought that if I did not see the American sizing next to the other number, I would not have thought twice about it. Why in the world was I going to let a stupid number make me miss out on a cute pair of jeans that were on an amazing sale?!
Why in the world was I going to let a stupid number make me miss out on a cute pair of jeans?
I brought them home and tried them on, and they fit great! They were loose in all the right places and actually felt like a pair of jean shorts that I would be comfortable in!
There's a lot to unpack here, and it had me thinking. I had two choices here. One, I went back to a diet that I knew would help me lose weight and shrink my body, or two, I accept my body for what it is and made peace with it, and JUST BUY BIGGER JEANS!!
I knew that I did not want to go with the first choice. I am a bigger size than I was before, but I was only at that "ideal size" because I dieted to get there. If I wanted to be that size again, I would have to diet. And likely, again and again, and again and again. That cycle honestly sounded awful. I funny thing is that I had no negative feelings towards my body when it was in the stretchy biker shorts and yoga pants, only when there was a number on the tag.
So why am I letting that number determine my worth?